The "Attitude of an Owner"

When we were leaving Corpus Christi and before I had secured a job in Abilene, I asked Bob Allen if he'd provide a letter of reference. Bob and I had worked together on the Northwest Community Advisory Council and the Risk Management Plans for local chemical plants. I asked because Bob had been involved in several nonprofits and I considered the nonprofit sector my most likely path. Bob's letter provided a little phrase that I think captures my approach when he suggested that I would bring "the attitude of an owner" to my new job.

I like that. I'm proud that Bob sees that when he looks at me. That's what I aim for even though I couldn't have told you that until I read Bob's letter. But it's also the approach I see in my hero, Joseph. When finally rescued and elevated to the service of the king, Joseph still bargains so that the king's interests are served.

The biblical term for "having the attitude of an owner" would be "steward" or more precisely, a "good steward." The good steward knows that he functions on behalf of and is responsible to the real owner.

There's a scary tale in Robert Sutton's book The No Asshole Rule.
"The idea that power corrupts people and makes them act as if they are above rules meant "for the little people" is widely accepted. But Gruenfeld shows that it is astounding how rapidly even tiny and trivial power advantages can change how people think and act – and usually for the worse. . . . This silly study scares me because it shows how having just a slight power edge causes regular people to grab the goodies for themselves and act like rude pigs." (p. 73)

FACEBOOK

After receiving an invitation to view CHs' facebook page I had to sign up. I mean, C's no Luddite but how in the world did she get involved with such a Web2 technology before I did?

Turns out that C's evidently invited MANY folks from Arlington Heights and Corpus Christi to visit her online. At this point most of the folks I've "friended" (is that the proper term?) are from our Arlington Heights years – a few are college connections. Eventually I'll probably connect with a high school acquaintance or two. I'm surprised by how many of my "friends" are actually our kids' friends. Perhaps when my wife signs up we'll connect with more folks our age (she's much more people connected than I am).

This younger generation business is awkward. I've already been tempted to post a TMI (too much information) sticker on one kid's page (can you still call them kids after they turn 30?). I mean I avoid MySpace to maintain my ignorance. And I guess one of the reasons I haven't signed up for Facebook before is because of our kids. I don't want to intrude on their space but can't see not asking to be listed as a friend.

But it is fun to see all the up to date pictures of these Arlington Heights' kids and their young families. So I guess I'll take it slowly. I'll quit adding folks under 35 unless they start the "friending." And I'll see what this Web2 technology can teach me about being human in the 21st century.

Aloha, I'm off to my Hawaiian abode.

Want to "win" a house in Hawaii?

Here's the info. There is a $100 entry fee and it sounds as if Hawaiians might have a bit of advantage. For $50, I'll help you increase your chances -- I won't even send in my entry.

Be sure to invite my family for a brief stay after you win.

Words to live by

In addition to "The Blind Men and the Elephant," the following anecdotes have shaped my approach to life:

The phone began ringing during a visit to a friend's basement workshop. Since the owner didn't seem inclined to answer it, a question seemed in order. "Aren't you going to answer that?"
"Nope. I had it installed for my convenience and it ain't convenient for me to answer it right now."

AND

During the preacher's visit, talk turned to favorite Bible passages. The old man finally agreed to give his. It wasn't a whole verse but it's found several times in The Book. "It came to pass . . . "
When the preacher appeared confused the old fella explained. "Don't ya see, it didn't come to stay. It came to pass. Surrounded by bad times? Don't worry they didn't come to stay. Enjoying good times? Don't get too comfortable, they're temporary, too."

It's over. Cancelled. Not gonna happen.

The beauty contest for Catholic nuns proposed by Antonio Rungi, an Italian priest, has been cancelled. The contest had been scheduled to begin in September with nun's photos posted on Rungi's blog and reader's casting votes for "Sister Italian 2008." But Rungi's email disuaded him and so the Esther 2008 Pageant is over – at least for the time being. Surely this idea will be revived, if not by Rungi, then by someone else.

I loved Rungi's comment to the Associated Press: "Being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it." USA Today reports that "many" nuns had asked to participate but this contest has been cancelled.

Another bookstore visit. Something else to share

I like books about business because they're really books about people and groups of people. Last week, I glanced through Hot Button Marketing by Barry Feig. He lists 16 "hot buttons" and reminds us that most decisions are not based on need and logic. Most decisions are more visceral or at least a lot less thought-y than want-y.

Consider these thoughts:

"People don't buy products and services.They buy the satisfaction of unmet needs." (p. vii)

George Eastman, who built Kodak, told his people: "We are selling memories. Memories of good times. Memories of family. We are creating memories." Personal question for ya, which family member took the photos? I remember doing a funeral or two where family members would say, "She was the picture taker in our family. I don't know who'll take the pictures at our next reunion."

"Making friends is our business" -- Anheiser Busch. (And you thought he sold beer)

What??? You were expecting a list of the 16 hot buttons? Well . . . I suppose listing a few wouldn't hurt.

* Sex, love and romance (interesting observations on male/female perceptions here)

* Poverty of time (with the observation that in the USA poverty of money has lost to poverty of time).

* The desire to belong.

But you knew all those didn't you? Check out what he as to say about "Revaluing." It might be the hot button of the future. Most of us make a choice and then find ways to position that choice as the "rational" one. The Vulcans among us are the exemplars of this approach.

Not wearing a tie

"A professor I had in college used to tell me that if someone won't listen to what you have to say because you're not wearing a tie, then put on a tie, 'cause what you have to say is more important than not wearing a tie." Joe McNally – The Moment It Clicks.

"If you want to be a better photographer, stand in front of more interesting stuff." Jim Richardson, photographer for National Geographic – as quoted in The Moment It Clicks.


While perusing at the bookstore, I came across these gems and wanted to share them. Do you realize how much self control it takes just to leave those things here without any embellishment?

The evil that men do . . .

For years I've been troubled by Shakespeare's assertion: "The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. . ."1 My own experience is that we are so loathe to “speak ill of the dead” that only the nice parts survive. However, for those who have been HURT by the departed, it will probably be the evil that lingers. We tend to view the departed through polarized lenses. This is most pronounced in the days immediately following a death. Time tends to restore perspective.

Author Rick Bragg demonstrates this restoration of perspective in his memoirs. His 1997 memoir, All Over But the Shoutin', chronicles his father's alcohol abuse and abandoning the family. In The Prince of Frogtown, Bragg revisits his father's earlier life in order to flesh out his portrait.

I discovered Bragg's work through an interview for BookPage magazine. The phrase that earned my respect was: "I didn't try to recreate some daddy for myself in this book."2 Most of us are tempted to do what Bragg resisted. Often we try to whitewash our histories. And while I certainly appreciate the sentiment, such dishonesty actually cripples us. A crutch is a good thing until it becomes a hindrance.



1 Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 2, lines 80 & 81. After checking the context, I’d say that these comments are probably no more sincere than Anthony’s assertion that “Brutus is an honorable man.”
2 Bain, Rebecca. "Paternal Instincts." BookPage. June 2008. p. 5.

A PUNdaMental Poem

My understanding of society has been shaped in LARGE measure by this poem.



The Blindmen and the Elephant

by John Godfrey Saxe (1816–1887)


It was six men of Hindustan
to learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind)
That each by observation
Might satisfy the mind.

The first approached the Elephant
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side
At once began to bawl:
"Bless me, it seems the Elephant
Is very like a wall".

The second, feeling of his tusk,
Cried, "Ho! What have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear".

The third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Then boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake."

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he:
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Hindustan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right
And all were in the wrong.

So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

Retrieved from "http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Blindmen_and_the_Elephant"

The comment about rightness and wrongness reminds me of another bit of doggerel:

"A skunk sat on a stump.
The skunk thunk the stump stunk.
And the stump thunk the skunk stunk
But they was both wrong
Because they BOTH stunk."

Which leads to the truism from Paul Faulkner:

"Never get in a puking contest with a buzzard."

Punny Slideshow

I've just posted some photos from Abilene, Texas on u-lo-g.com. Several feature puns.
http://u-lo-g.com/abilene.aspx

Choosing

"When my friend Matilda lay dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, she said that she had been prepared all of her life to choose between good and evil. What no one had prepared her for, she lamented, was to choose between the good, the better and the best -- and yet this capacity turned out to be the one she most needed as she watched the sands of her life run out." Barbara Brown Taylor, p. 46, Leaving Church, A memoir of faith.

"Good is the enemy of GREAT" – according to Jim Collins.

Many (most?) of my choices seem to be made by default. I resist being responsible for my own circumstances, often preferring to be able to blame someone else for the predicament I'm in.

Leaving Church details Taylor's move away from preaching at a small town church to teaching at a nearby college. I'm jealous. The Georgia property she describes sounds beautiful (my ancestors once lived in Habersham County, GA). And I enjoyed teaching at the college level.

Pun-dering Teachers, Good and Bad.

Miriam Cohen's book, No Good in Art, celebrates good teachers. But it opens with a discouraging one, Jim's kindergarten art teacher, who was quick to criticize. Without her help Jim may never have known that his grass was too thick or that his people had no necks. By drawing her own images on Jim's paper our instructor instantly taught Jim that he was "no good in art." In contrast, the encourager who taught Jim's first grade class helped convince him that he might indeed, become an artist.

The system is filled with both kinds.

First graders aren't expected to have the maturity to handle authorities who squelch. But adults don't seem to be any better at handling such mistreatment.

Mouse Soup and other Tail Tales

Originally posted on Thursday, May 26, 2005

I said goodbye to my first graders today. The semester ends tomorrow and I expect to move away over the summer. So it was a bit sad for me. They remember me now. Know what to call me. But I've been doing this for several years and realize that in two or three years some of them won't remember me at all.

But for now, I have a sack full of thank you notes.

What did they remember? Some just said thanks for reading to us. One remembered that I was willing to listen to her "Knock Knock" Joke. A couple of kids liked seeing the picture of my grandson – which tied the number of kids who remembered the time I wore elf (or Vulcan) ears. Three (all boys) mentioned the Yu-gi-oh type cards I used last semester to show them that Yu-gi-oh is a math game. Four liked the riddles (usually spelled "rills"). Five remembered the popcorn I served when reading The Popcorn Book. And eleven mentioned a book called Mouse Soup.

I'm intrigued. Mouse Soup wasn't the last book I read them. Perhaps someone mentioned it to get them started remembering and that mention got multiple play in the thank you writing process? Or is Mouse Soup just that much more memorable? Why not Tales of Amanda Pig or Little Bear or my personal favorite, No Good in Art?

Just the two of us . . .

Tonight I've been checking to see how many others share my interest in books, movies and various other items listed in profiles. I'd guess that a statistician could gather a barnful in such a pursuit.

For instance, do any other old guys list No Good in Art? ANSWER: Nope. Just me and a young art teacher. This is a book I've read to several first grade classes. I love the affirmating nature of the new art teacher. I've got to admit that while I want to be affirming, my first reaction to almost anything is to point out the problems. I enjoy the ballerina's multiple images to demonstrate movement. And, hey, I like pizza.

Who else likes DAVE? Apparently, the LONE RANGER does. And almost 1,000 other folks. I tried political life as a school board member. I learned that I didn't like it. So why do I still think about running for office occasionally?

Does anyone else in the world even care about How I raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling? ANSWER: Two dozen. The Southwestern Company introduced us the summer I sold bibles door to door. Have you ever heard of Carrollton, Georgia? That was my home for the summer. I learned all kinds of things from that experience. Frank Bettger's book is great. It is filled with practical advice from his own experience. I've been so impressed by this stuff that I've tried several sales jobs even though I've never had much success in that industry.

It's a Wonderful Life ranks higher than The Sound of Music. Both pull in over 12,000 folks. By contrast, Spiderman pulls in over 20,000 and Star Wars yanks over 75,000. I'd think that nearness in time would be a factor except for Star Wars being so much older than Spiderman. My connections to Spidey go back to the era of 12 cent comic books.

Maybe we could start a new fad, checking blogger profiles to see if we've listed interests that only one other person shares.

Grief

This post provides a place for folks to respond to my "GRIEF" page at u-l0-g.com.

I once encountered a chaplain-in-training who seemed to feel that it was his job to get folks to adhere to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross' stages of grief. People react in different ways. Kübler-Ross was trying to document the Western path through grief rather than identify new scientific rules and regulations.

See the link above for more.

PUNs

Since PUN is an essential part of my title, let me admit my partiality to this particular form of humor.

I understand that puns have been accused of being the "lowest" form of humor. So? Wouldn't that make them the most common form (ala the lowest or least common denominator)?

I've rejected making this a forum for them because I believe the "best" ones are generated in response to whatever is happening at the time. "You'd have had to be there." For me a groan about the horror of a particular pun is as good as – or better than – a laugh.

This title is intended as a play on words. I want to talk about the fundamentals of life - the essentials. For me, humor - or at least my brand of it - is an essential. It keeps one from being too serious about life. As a speaker, I'm well aware that humor has pitfalls but the absence of it is deadly.

Stories, etc.

I have a number of stories about people on my website: Telling YOUR Story.

Be sure to check out: "Real People" and "More Real People." These are actually portions of eulogies I've delivered when speaking at funerals. The site also includes "How to Write a Eulogy" in case you'd like a bit of guidance in that area.

Here's one of the stories:

Joy had a great deal to be thankful for. Her life was rich in the love of family and friends. I’ve been impressed by her son and daughter-in-law. Almost any afternoon at 4:30 or 5, I could find them visiting Joy at the nursing home. They took good care of her. I’m sure that many of the residents envied her for the love she received from family.

But Joy had also known plenty of sadness and pain. She had been a widow for almost 30 years. Her daughter preceded her in death. She’d had many surgical procedures and arthritis had crippled her so severely that she could no longer feed herself. In all this she had learned to be content. She always had a smile on her face – a BRIGHT smile at that.

I know that many of the nursing home residents complained about having to move to the new home. But I watched Joy go through all the rooms till she found one with twice as much closet space. That’s the one she claimed as her own.There are many in this town who aren’t nearly as crippled physically as Joy was, but are far more troubled. Joy didn’t allow her limitations to make her an invalid.

Campolo on Healers

While surfing, I came across this quote from Tony Campolo:

"I've always been skeptical of those television healers who are bald. I mean, if I had that gift, that would be the first thing I'd fix."—16 June, 2007"

But having shared this I have to wonder if it is anything like going to a barber. Common knowledge says that when entering a new barbershop you should always choose the barber with the worst haircut assuming that it came from the other barber. Naw, I guess television healers don't spend much time together.

A bit of introduction to ME

INTP and Architect -- two ways to look at me.
It has become more and more apparent that my approach to life is WAY different. I'm going to claim that it is my temperament. In the "Myers Briggs Type Indicator," I am an INTP -- an Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking Perceiver. Keirsey's term in the "Keirsey Temperament Sorter II" is "Architect" -- a subset of Rational Engineers.Both approaches break the populace into 16 groups.
We would expect each group to describe about 6.25 percent of the population. But it doesn't work that way. Estimates on the percentage of INTP's range from 1 to 4 percent. Isn't that a good enough reason to feel alone and isolated? Fewer than 1 in 20 people view life in approximately the ways I do. And it could be as few as 1 in 100. Not that it bothers me very often since I KNOW that I'm looking at things the way everybody ought to see them. Self esteem is not a problem here.
One way I like to process information is to write it down and look at it. So here are some musings on being INTP. According to information on the Wayne State College website, INTP's . . . "[ignore] existing rules and opinions and defin[e] their own approach[es]." And while this seems the absolutely right way to me, you can understand that it does get me in trouble with others who've forgotten that the first rule is to "question all assumptions."
"They hate to work on routine things." So true. Rote is NOT my friend.In fact, once I've figured out how I'd solve whatever, I'm done.
"INTPs lack follow-through" preferring to "leave the implementation of the system to others." Or as they say: "a propensity for abandoning a project, once it has been figured out, and moving on to the next thing."
"INTPs tend to . . . overdo simple issues." Actually, the Wayne State terms were "nit-pick and hair-split." But I do have a fondness for going back over a thing to make sure that we've covered it thoroughly. Going back over a problem is much more fun than actually doing anything about it.
And if you think I'm being "impatient, sarcastic, and critical," it's probably because I'm questioning your competence. I like the positive spin I see in several online articles, but I'm not sure all that positive stuff is actually justified. Us INTP folks tend to have very high expectations (and that includes self-expectations). Enough for today.
For more on this see: www.wsc.edu/advising_services/career_planning/personality_careers/intp/